Grumpy game thread: July 3, Braves at Nats
I’m Braves announcer Joe Simpson, and I don’t like the way things are today compared to the way they used to be!
I’m Braves announcer Joe Simpson, and I don’t like the way things are today compared to the way they used to be!
Well, this is phun.
Early, it looked like a classic Vazquez start—Javy was dealing, and the Braves were squandering scoring opportunities. (In the bottom of the 2nd, Escobar, who was finally well enough and far enough out of the doghouse to start, led off with a double, and Diaz followed with a bunt single to put runners on the corners with none out. Stenchy, predictably, struck out swinging on a mediocre, down-the-middle fastball. After Kotchman walked to load the bases, Vazquez struck out and Blanco grounded out to end the threat.)
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“Hi, I’m Atlanta Braves outfielder Jeff Francoeur. Have you accepted Delta into your life? Delta has a wonderful plan for you…”
“Hi, I’m Atlanta Braves outfielder Jeff Francoeur, and I put my lucky underwear on one leg at a time like everyone else.”
“Hi, I’m Atlanta Braves outfielder Jeff Francoeur. I’m here to chew bubblegum and make outs, and I’m all out of bubblegum.”
“Hola, this is Braves starting pitcher Javier Vazquez, and I’m wondering: Do I have to do everything around here?”
“Hi, I’m –SIGH– Angels — uh, Braves outfielder –YAWN– Garret Anderson, and… ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ………
Hello, this is the production staff of Peachtree TV. We will have a replay for you shortly.
Sorry, our replay has been delayed. Joe Simpson will entertain you with his “Grumpy Old Man” routine while we scroll up the replay.
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“Hi, I’m Atlanta Braves infielder Martin Prado. People ask me, ‘Martin, what’s it like to get stuck on the bench, for defensive reasons no less, behind a converted outfielder?’ Well, how should I put it… Eszik saját kesztyű, Kelly Johnson! Én szakmai második baseman, és nem lehet megtagadni! Thank you and good day.
“Hi, I’m Atlanta Braves outfielder Jeff Francoeur, and I suck.”
“Hi, I’m Braves pitcher Kris Medlen. It has come to my attention that some people think I look like I’m twelve years old. I have only one response: MOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!”
“Hi, I’m Atlanta Braves outfielder Matt Diaz. Some people ask me, ‘Matt, does it upset you that you hardly ever get to start except against lefthanders, even though Jeff Francoeur sucks?’ No, I think it’s great! I get plenty of time to catch up on emails, do a little reading. Dave Ross and me usually play Scrabble in the dugout. Okay, sometimes it’s annoying to get interrupted so I can pinch-hit with two out and nobody on down three runs, but it doesn’t take too long. We asked Martin Prado if he wants in, but he’s busy teaching himself Hungarian.”
Francoeur sucks.
If Garret Anderson were a band, he would be Phil Collins-era Genesis.